You watch (pictures of) a distant far away land with sparkling eyes… eyes that make it seem that you have lived there, even if not in this lifetime. As you dream of this h(e)aven of freedom the serenity that surrounds you exudes an aura of “a new beginning”. You look at the rubble of the things you gave your life to, of the things that are your life… but this time, there is no regret in your glance. Rather, a courageous smile dances over your lips… a smile that declares your dedication to your dream even though you are worn-out… that looks forward to giving every moment of their lives in rebuilding the wreckage, in searching for the lost, in rising from the fall…
You are full of pride, knowing that you could emerge from the storm with your lamp still burning bright… you are glad that even though you had to walk on thorns, you made the journey and reached your destination… you are wondering how God figured out exactly how many challenges you could manage to triumph over, precisely how much pain you could bear, and just how long you could struggle to keep your faith alive.
Slowly, but surely, it dawns on you that the real treasure is not in succeeding every time… nor is it in never knowing fear. You attain real glory when you can keep your head in tight situations persevere in love in the face of hatred, your belief in yourself is strengthened by the “so-called” failures that stamp a question mark of doubt on your capabilities… when you are patient even when you are tired of waiting and tempted to break the commitment or when the truth that you speak is twisted, misunderstood.
Often, I wished that I wouldn’t fall myriad times, before I could valiantly get up…that I didn’t have to get hurt before I could get better… that the night was not so dark n long before it gave way to daylight. Then suddenly a truth struck me hard. Would I cherish the trophy without having played and won the game…? I close my eyes and send a prayer of thanks to Him as the Land of Lights beckons me.
It will be some time before I can again be – strong, happy and free. I see fireworks lighting up the sky… for me!